When our child is a drug addict, it affects the entire family. This makes parenting even more difficult. If our teen is actively using drugs our primary focus needs to be saving their life. What about the siblings of the addict? Where do they fall into this? I found the following information very helpful.
As with any family-related trauma, the person at the heart of the concern gets the most attention. When adolescent mental health or substance abuse issues arise, the siblings of the substance abuser may be overlooked or neglected.
Parents focus on the child with the drug addiction. Grandparents provide support for the parents. Extended family members become educated about substance abuse. Faith communities are asked to pray for the child involved with illegal substances.
It’s expected, or at least hoped, that the siblings of the substance abuser will maintain their “good” status and allow everyone to focus on the child with the issues.
This single-focused attention may put the siblings in stressful situations. They get less one on one time with mom or dad. They might take on additional household responsibilities. They may be required to provide extra caretaking for younger siblings. And, siblings themselves may become at risk for various behavioral, mental health, or substance abuse issues.
As parents begin to create a plan to address the issues of the adolescent with substance abuse problems, they must also create a plan for the other children in the family.
Siblings still need one on one time with mom and dad. And, if the usual amount of time needs to be reduced, parents need to address it directly rather than assuming that the child “will understand.”
Parents should not neglect attending sports events, plays, concerts, and other recognition events for siblings.
Opportunities should be provided for expending physical energy. Whether the activities help to minimize issues of possible depression, or provide an outlet for negative emotions, the chance to run, play a sport, walk, or swim need to be easily available.
Provide positive feedback for the kids who are not substance abusers. It’s easy to emphasize the negative when under stress. Compliment the children when they are required to go above and beyond their usual responsibilities.
Create a schedule that allows siblings to continue extra curricular, community, or church and synagogue participation, whenever possible. This involvement provides stability, as well as a diversion from the emotionally charged home life.
Even if all members of the family are attending family therapy sessions, it may be beneficial for siblings to have additional one on one therapy. This might be with the family therapist, or a completely different counselor.
Parents and therapists mustn’t forget that when one child becomes a substance abuser, the other children in the family are also at risk. A study published by the University of Queensland and the University of Washington, in January 2006 (www.researchaustralia.com.au), showed that younger siblings’ use of alcohol and tobacco increases by three to five times when older siblings are already involved. They suggest that prevention programs, which usually focus on parent-child interactions, need to shift the focus to sibling influences.
Parenting Younger Siblings of Addicted Teens
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3 comments:
Wow! Great post! I did not know that when one child becomes a substance abuser, the other children in the family are at three to five times the risk if they have an older sibling with a problem. It makes sense to keep a close eye towards this possibility. I guess the silver lining on this is that the Parent has learned a lot and is much wiser the second time around.
In my experience, this not only applies to younger sibblings, but to older ones, as well. My son, to this day carries a resentment towards me due to all the time I have focused on my daughter, a seventeen-year-old drug addict. He makes exemplary grades and he is an athlete. He has aspirations that I know he will achieve. He feels as though I have ignored and neglected him during this very wild, crazy period in our life.
This is a very difficult situation to deal with and it is very painful to know that he feels this way. When I reach out to him now, it seems that he is trying to "punish" me by speaking in an "attacking" kind of way. He is not very nice to me on the phone (he is away at school). His sentences are one to two words and the sound of his voice is monotone. I want to fix this...to start to halp him heal but he is not letting me in. This is really a difficult situation and I don't know what to do.
Paula,
Thanks for leaving a comment. I, too, struggle with 2 other children that have felt left out and ignored during their brother's drug use. They are extremely angry with me. I feel horrible about this and NEVER did I do this on purpose. I was in "Survival Mode" when my son was using. I did what I could to keep him alive & keep my sanity during those truly "insane" times.
I hope that one day my children will see how difficult it was as the Mother of a drug addict. Maybe, when they become mothers/parents will they see. Until then, keep loving them & trying your best to be a parent to ALL of your children.
Thanks again for leaving a comment.
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